Not so happy kel

It is hard to blog about “How to be happy”, when you haven’t been feeling particularly happy yourself.   Everyone goes through periods of gloominess.  You cant’ be happy all the time, and if someone acts gleeful 24/7 something must be wrong.  Remember, you can’t enjoy the happy times unless you have low periods in comparison.   According to the sacred texts of Hinduism, “We know the value of standing in the shade only after we have roamed in the hot day sun”.

Periods of unhappiness are normal and you can frequently recognize the reason why you are down in the dumps.  I am suffering from post-vacation let down, something my mom called “too much birthday”.  The last four weeks have been remarkable, with a girls trip to Europe, followed by multiple celebrations, a corporate retreat at Disney, productive meetings and very little down time.

How do you find a happy place when you are feeling blue?  According to the Harvard study on positive psychology, “There is also intriguing preliminary evidence that positive psychology techniques, in addition to preparing you for the ups and downs of life, can be valuable in times of stress, grief, or other difficulties.”

http://www.health.harvard.edu/special_health_reports/positive-psychology-harnessing-the-power-of-happiness-personal-strength-and-mindfulness  

The effective positive psychology techniques include expressing gratitude for the lessons learned or opportunities presented when dealing with negative events.  Participants are instructed to write about the positive consequences of their hardship for which they could be grateful.  Focusing on finding the silver lining of your black cloud, helps with closure and intrusive negative thoughts about your despair.   My fatigue has forced me to relax, re-energize and focus on things that need to be done around the house.  Another assignment is to savor the pleasure and think about the good things in your life.  When you accentuate the positive you develop a more optimistic outlook.   Instead of lamenting my exhaustion after a month of going non-stop, I have been enjoying the shared pictures of our trip and discussing the lessons learned at our Disney Corporate Retreat with co-workers.  Keeping busy or getting into “The Flow” with outside interests helps keep negative thoughts at bay.   When you’re fully engaged in activities, you are less preoccupied by mundane thoughts.  Nothing clears my head of dreary thoughts quicker than a long run with my I-Pod just thinking about the music and my feet hitting the pavement.

Unhappy times are really a chance to appreciate that when one door closes another one opens.

Regrets, I've had a few

During an outing to Costco with my great aunt, I thought about my weekly happiness challenge:  “Say no to too many choices”.   I needed dishwasher detergent and had many options ; liquid, powder, crystal, action pac, green, bio-degradable  – choices, choices, choices.  In the 4G, HD, digital world we have more choices than we could have ever imagined.  How did I choose the dishwasher detergent?  I found the cheapest powder per ounce, put it in the cart and moved on.  The theory is that happiness is thwarted because the more choices you have, the greater opportunity to regret those choices.    

 

This was not much of a challenge for me since I rarely spend time deliberating over my choices.  According to the Harvard Study, those who analyze all the pros and cons to painstakingly make sure they make the perfect selection, regret their hard-thought decisions more - shouda, coulda, woulda.  But there are  everyday choices (like dishwasher detergent) and life's choices (the spouse you choose).   This challenge was for choices we are faced with on a daily basis.  In a misguided attempt to make children happy many of today's parents tend to cater to and give multiple options for everyday decisions, such as "what's for breakfats?".  On finding happiness, we are doing these kids a huge disservice in the long run.  For me, there are usually two choices – take it or leave it.  

Jesus Camp



Sabbaticals eliminate choices.  No televisions, no phones or computers, camp-style meals taken at prescribed times, early prayers, evening meditations.  Few conversations and fewer choices allow your mind to stay focused.   This monastic type of lifestyle reminds you to appreciate what you have, especially the goodness and glory of God.  While we all can’t have the lifestyle of living in a convent, I decided that I would limit daily choices for the week – I took the same running route with the same playlist, breakfast was coffee and yogurt,  lunch would be tuna fish on pita bread.  Was I happier?  I realized this was not much of a change from my daily routine.  

We all make good choices and bad choices.  Hopefully we learn from the bad ones and don’t repeat our mistakes.  Although I tend to forget the bad ones after my second glass of wine.  Seriously, there is nothing more damaging to happiness than regret.  Regret is just insight that comes a day too late, and not worthy of any more emotional energy than learning from your experience.